How to commit entrepreneurial suicide

An entrepreneur is; a person who organizes and manages any enterprise, especially a business, usually with considerable initiative and risk.

I have studied the Nigerian entrepreneur’s mind both from afar and up close and I have realised that my approach to helping them overcome the challenges they face has been petty and way too conventional. The truth is that they have seen it all and are equipped to overcome them.

After giving my dilemma a lot of thought I finally realised that it wasn’t the entrepreneurs that had issues, it was me! I have been trying to solve challenges for people who have family members and friends who are way smarter than me. So I have decided to change my approach and help them go down the road of entrepreneurial perdition which they have chosen to traverse; after all I am just their consultant not a sacred member of the inner circle called family and friends.

If you want to commit entrepreneurial suicide, shut down or emasculate your business please feel free to pick from the options listed below.

Record Keeping
Why on earth would you want to do something so boring, when you can spend all that time making more money. After all, you have a photographic memory and recalling transactions from 6 months ago is a walk in the park. When the tax men or the banks come knocking we will just attach the printer to a USB port on your head and click your eyes to print. Please let’s leave the boring stuff out of business.

Proper Costing
Come on! You bought these goods yourself, so am sure you don’t need anyone to tell you how much they should be sold! The following costs: transportation, time, overhead, telephone, etc. are all benevolent contributions to your customers. You keep wondering why you recapitalise your business every three (3) months? I’m sorry to bust your bubble your employees are not defrauding the business, you are sowing away your money all by your self and I am so proud of you.

Buying
My Uncle supplies me most of the materials I need to run my business and the remaining I get from my childhood friend. I really don’t need any form of price comparison. I now understand you better, your Uncle and friend will place you on an allowance after they have siphoned all your profit by charging you monopolistic prices, just because you are too lazy to pick up the phone and ask for quotations from multiple suppliers.

Customer Feedback
Ignore the ignorant complainers, who needs customers anyway? How much are they worth that they put you through all this stress? It is no problem if customers don’t show up. You, your family and friends with a little help from staff and friends of friends can consume your product before it has to be thrown out. After all they are noisy, irksome, troublesome and a complaining bunch! They know nothing about how much work you put into giving them all this great and fabulous service and yet all they do is complain and ask for more.

Stock Taking
Another boring task! What is it with all these people and writing inside ruled books? When we run out of goods we will go get some more, and if we can’t get any immediately we will wait until it is available. At least you will not become raw materials or convert your self to products to sell.

Marketing
Don’t even go there! Yes it’s my business but I’m an introvert therefore I don’t know how to market to people. I can’t hire someone to do my marketing so that they will someday steal my clients and open shop as my competitor. Whoever walks in is mine to keep. Thumbs up to you! Slow and steady even without customers or clients wins the race.

The challenge of our economy is not the lack of capital; it is the lack of credible businesses to give capital to. Angel investors and lending houses exist but just wont give people money……  please spare me the rhetoric, nobody will give a loan to man whose credibility is in his own head not even you!

Why are you asking for what you cant give? How faithful have you been with the little you have? What evidence do you have to back this stewardship of yours up?

Please your family is your family, your friend your friend and your consultant your consultant, learn to place each man in his own file and place.

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